Getting the diagnosis!

I've been thinking about how I should start my 2nd blog entry and I guess I should just start somewhere.  I will start with giving you some back history on my life.  I am the oldest of 5 children.  We are all adopted, I have 3 younger brothers and a younger sister.  For the sake of their privacy their names will not be mentioned in my blog.  My parents are Salvation Army Officers and they reside in Ontario.  

I have always been a very active child and we had always thought that I might be ADHD/ADD.  I had a hard time sitting still in class unless it was a subject that interested me.

So I'm going to fast track and go to the year 2012.  I was working at my church as the assistant director of Children's Ministry.  Looking back I think my depression started around June 2012.  I wasn't happy with my job, it just wasn't a good fit for me.  The job was 80% administration and 20% interaction with kids and volunteers.  I had also been suffering from burnout from my previous job and fostering.  I didn't notice the signs; however  if you talk to my mother she is never surprised because she remembers when I have battled with depression before.  According to my Momma I have struggled with depression every Jan/Feb which I did in Jan 2012 as well.  I think the difference this time was that it never really left.  

I fooled myself into thinking that everything was fine and it wasn't.  As the months went on my ability to hold it together was becoming less and less.  I went away in August to visit some friends in BVI and when I cam home and started work in Sept I was falling apart.  I would start to cry for no apparent reason and when I got home from work I would go to sleep and sleep for 12-14 hours.  I wasn't eating properly, taking care of my apartment. I basically stopped interacting with everyone.  I put on my fake face at work and on Sundays.  I was a MESS.

Finally one of the pastors at my church suggested that I go to counselling.  I didn't really want to go but I knew I needed to do something.  So I went, it was really hard going that first time.  I kept thinking that I should get off the bus, cross the street and go home.  I didn't and I'm so thankful that I didn't.  I don't remember much about that first session, what I do remember was crying a lot, I mean a lot.....I'm pretty sure my counsellor at the time had to buy a new box of Kleenex  or two before her next appointment. :-).  

It was during one of my visits with the counsellor that she suggested that I get assessed for  ADHD and OCD.  I had already filled out a couple of questionnaires and it was determined that I suffered from depression (no kidding) and Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I had made some off handed comments about my inability to focus etc that she made the suggestion.  So I filled out the questionnaire.  After I filled it out she told me that if 4 or more of the grey shaded questions were filled in then I was of the ADD/ADHD persuasion.  There were 8 shaded areas and I ended up filling out 6 of the 8.  So my counsellor suggested that I ask my doctor for a referral to see Dr. Larry Klassen.  He works out of Eden's Mental Health Centre in Winkler Manitoba.  He is well known in North America for his work with adults who have ADD/ADHD. This was equally terrifying to me. You see I have joked about me being ADHD for years but now I was actually going to find out!  To be honest I had no idea what it would mean when I found out one way or the other but it was a scary day.  

Part of the scariness was that I didn't have my parents with me.  My family lives in Ontario and I live here in Winnipeg.  Since I didn't have a car, my friends Mom volunteered to take me.  I was so thankful that she came with me.  She was super sweet and reassuring and it was like having my Mum there.  After filling out form after form and chatting with Dr. Larry, ( my nickname for him) for an hour or so it was determined that I have ADHD, OCD and Anxiety as well as depression and SAD.  

So what does that mean?  I have no idea lol!  I am still trying to figure it.  Tune in next time to read about the Now what part of this story!  

Chat with Ya later!