Getting the diagnosis!

I've been thinking about how I should start my 2nd blog entry and I guess I should just start somewhere.  I will start with giving you some back history on my life.  I am the oldest of 5 children.  We are all adopted, I have 3 younger brothers and a younger sister.  For the sake of their privacy their names will not be mentioned in my blog.  My parents are Salvation Army Officers and they reside in Ontario.  

I have always been a very active child and we had always thought that I might be ADHD/ADD.  I had a hard time sitting still in class unless it was a subject that interested me.

So I'm going to fast track and go to the year 2012.  I was working at my church as the assistant director of Children's Ministry.  Looking back I think my depression started around June 2012.  I wasn't happy with my job, it just wasn't a good fit for me.  The job was 80% administration and 20% interaction with kids and volunteers.  I had also been suffering from burnout from my previous job and fostering.  I didn't notice the signs; however  if you talk to my mother she is never surprised because she remembers when I have battled with depression before.  According to my Momma I have struggled with depression every Jan/Feb which I did in Jan 2012 as well.  I think the difference this time was that it never really left.  

I fooled myself into thinking that everything was fine and it wasn't.  As the months went on my ability to hold it together was becoming less and less.  I went away in August to visit some friends in BVI and when I cam home and started work in Sept I was falling apart.  I would start to cry for no apparent reason and when I got home from work I would go to sleep and sleep for 12-14 hours.  I wasn't eating properly, taking care of my apartment. I basically stopped interacting with everyone.  I put on my fake face at work and on Sundays.  I was a MESS.

Finally one of the pastors at my church suggested that I go to counselling.  I didn't really want to go but I knew I needed to do something.  So I went, it was really hard going that first time.  I kept thinking that I should get off the bus, cross the street and go home.  I didn't and I'm so thankful that I didn't.  I don't remember much about that first session, what I do remember was crying a lot, I mean a lot.....I'm pretty sure my counsellor at the time had to buy a new box of Kleenex  or two before her next appointment. :-).  

It was during one of my visits with the counsellor that she suggested that I get assessed for  ADHD and OCD.  I had already filled out a couple of questionnaires and it was determined that I suffered from depression (no kidding) and Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I had made some off handed comments about my inability to focus etc that she made the suggestion.  So I filled out the questionnaire.  After I filled it out she told me that if 4 or more of the grey shaded questions were filled in then I was of the ADD/ADHD persuasion.  There were 8 shaded areas and I ended up filling out 6 of the 8.  So my counsellor suggested that I ask my doctor for a referral to see Dr. Larry Klassen.  He works out of Eden's Mental Health Centre in Winkler Manitoba.  He is well known in North America for his work with adults who have ADD/ADHD. This was equally terrifying to me. You see I have joked about me being ADHD for years but now I was actually going to find out!  To be honest I had no idea what it would mean when I found out one way or the other but it was a scary day.  

Part of the scariness was that I didn't have my parents with me.  My family lives in Ontario and I live here in Winnipeg.  Since I didn't have a car, my friends Mom volunteered to take me.  I was so thankful that she came with me.  She was super sweet and reassuring and it was like having my Mum there.  After filling out form after form and chatting with Dr. Larry, ( my nickname for him) for an hour or so it was determined that I have ADHD, OCD and Anxiety as well as depression and SAD.  

So what does that mean?  I have no idea lol!  I am still trying to figure it.  Tune in next time to read about the Now what part of this story!  

Chat with Ya later!

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Well the decision has been made, The words came out of my mouth....rather they left my brain, went out the tips of my fingers and I fb messaged a friend of mine telling her I was thinking and have been thinking about blogging for quite some time.  I should have kept my mouth shut I know; she's going to hold me accountable so that is why I am sitting here trying to think of something intelligent to say.

I guess I will start with why I have been toying with the idea of blogging.  I love words, I love books, I love stories.  I love peoples stories.  They can inspire you, they can challenge you, they can even make you go "note to self, don't ever do that!"  I love how words are so expressive and that by saying one simple word can make someones day.

I have always wanted to write, I have no idea if I would be any good at it but it's something that I have always wanted to do and I am slowly working on a book.  I digress.  Back to why I decided to blog.

The past 3 years as I entered my 40's have been a very intense, difficult, enlightening to say the least.  I have had some incredible lows, and some fantastic highs.  My 40's have been anything but boring.  I have been diagnosed with depression, SAD (seasonal affective disorder), ADHD, OCD and Anxiety.  It has been a challenge to navigate this and to sort out what this all means.  So many decisions; do I go on meds, don't I.  Do I go for counselling, do I change my diet, start exercising again?  The list seems to go on and on.

I have shared my journey with quite a few people verbally but a friend of mine who encouraged me to write this blog shared on her latest blog how how blogging was therapeutic for her.  So I have been wondering if it will be for me as well?  

My blog will be about my journey as I navigate these issues, as well as my everyday life.  I work in an elementary school with a kindergarten boy who has autism and another boy in nursery who has behavioural issues.  

My blog with also be about my faith. 

I ask that you be kind as I start this journey, that your comments be polite, that you have patience with me as I figure out this blogging thing.  It's one thing to share stuff with friends but it's a completely different story sharing it with strangers.

Who knows people may never read my entries and that's ok.  the point is that I am doing it.

So stay tuned for more.